Beautifully Ordinary

Our family is on the brink of transition. There are a million things that could change at any moment but God keeps telling us "Not yet".  I feel as if I am standing on the edge of the pool, toes touching the water just enough to feel cold, waiting for someone to tell me to jump. Right on the edge, but not quite there. I want to canon ball. But I can't.

Why is waiting so hard? Why is contentment such a battle?

I have really been trying to be in the moment. Love my life right where it is, and not where I want it to be. Loving the simple things in life and soaking up the beauty of what is...

Dancing barefoot in the kitchen.

Singing with my baby girl.

Friends who get it.

Naptime dates with my husband. Thank God for nap time.

Walking to the pet store to play with the kittens.

Chasing the birds and stopping to smell the flowers. 

Bedtime conversations about Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck.

Wine with dinner and ice cream for dessert. And then wine for dessert... :)

(As I write this I realize we really are knee deep in the trenches of toddlerhood...I wouldn't have it any other way.)

I don't want to miss what is now because I am too wrapped up in what is coming. I thank Jesus for my baby girl who reminds me how important it is to slow down. She's growing all too fast. I hold on tight and breathe her in. Remember these sweet moments.

This life is not for the faint of heart. Shit happens. And its messy and twisty and scary. But there is so much beauty in the ordinary of this world. Remember to hold on to those beautifully ordinary moments and lean in to your people. They will make you brave. And hold tight to the one who knows the depths of your heart. He knows. And he loves you deeply because of it.

Life is not coming. Life is here. It is happening right in this moment. Feel the water on your toes and the sun on your back. And remember that it won't be this way forever. Enjoy it while you can.

My 2014 Word

There are a few things I would like to try to do differently this year and I think that they can mostly be summed up in one word.

B R A V E.
this is my word for 2014.

BRAVE  to speak truth.
BRAVE  to hear truth.
BRAVE  to keep my mouth shut.
BRAVE  to step out of my comfort zone.
BRAVE  to do what I love loudly.
BRAVE  to be consistent.
BRAVE  to be flexible.
BRAVE  to not compare.
BRAVE  to be myself.
BRAVE  to trust wholeheartedly.
BRAVE  to love unabandoned.
BRAVE  to reach out.
BRAVE  to forgive.
BRAVE  to be open.
BRAVE  to allow failure.
BRAVE  to allow praise.
BRAVE  to let him lead.

What is your word for 2014? :)
I would love to hear!

A little window into our week:

Trying squash for the first time!

 

 A NEW favorite!!

First Ponytail!

Knotts for Josh's brother's Birthday

To be held.

This is what it is to be held.

How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life

and you survive.

This is what it is to be loved,

and to know that the promise was when everything fell 

we'd be held. 

(("Held" Natalie Grant))

 

August 2013

This week Isla was sick. 

We were awaken in the middle of the night to find that she had thrown up all over her crib. 

This was the start of a long three days of sickness and heartache for our little one

This just so happened to have happened on a 72 

hour work week for Josh.

I was left to navigate my way through taking care of our little love on my own while my husband worked his butt off to provide for our family. ((i'm totally blessed by him.))

In the middle of one long night, Isla was in my bed. She was struggling to keep food down and had woken up several times with what sounded like cries for help. After half a night of this...she woke up with one of the saddest cries I have ever heard. 

She was hungry.

She was confused.

She was hurting.

MY heart was broken.

In a total loss of what to do for my sweet baby girl 

I picked her up in my arms and 

just held her.

For the most part, my little bug is NOT a cuddler by any means. Strong willed, independent, and curious...she has no time for snuggles! :) But when I picked her up in my arms and held her close to me she sunk herself right in. Her little head found it's way into the perfect spot on my shoulder. Her tiny arms wrapped around my neck.

She needed her momma.

I laid there, propped up on pillows, holding my sweet baby in my arms for about an hour while she slept. 

The whole time I could not help but think...

This is who God is.

This is how he loves us.

This is his promise to us.

He doesn't promise that when we live within his will that things will be easy or that we will never hurt. But, he promises that when the you-know-what hits the fan...

We'd  be held.

Matthew 11:28-30

"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart; and you shall find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My load is light."

It is so humbling when God speaks to me through my babygirl. I am constantly trying to figure things out on my own. Strong willed, independent...((I wonder where she gets it :) ))...
It is not in my nature to run to him.

I want to rest my head on his shoulder and wrap my arms around the neck of my Savior.

Join me as we find rest for our souls.

Run to him, and be held.

For the Bug.

Tomorrow will mark the last day of the first full week of twenty fourteen.

One of my New Years Resolutions was to write more regularly this year. I am currently in the process of picking a new name, redesigning my site, etc...so I kept putting it off until my site was "more beautiful, more complete"...I am having trouble coming up with the perfect name. "Once I find THE name I will start". Needless to say...I was majorly putting it off!

But then, tonight, after a talk with a good friend I like to call "Mom" I realized that I am not writing for anyone but myself...and the bug.

This journey was intended as a creative outlet for me and as a little glimpse into my soul for my daughter. One of my favorite things is reading my mother's writing. I soak up every word. Let it sink in. Breathe in the marvelous-ness that is her. When I was younger I would sneak into her room and secretly read her journals. I wasn't trying to be nosy...I just wanted to learn more about her. I wanted to know her thoughts. I found the things she had to say interesting and insightful. I probably couldn't define it at the time but I wanted to know her on a more intimate level. 

The best way to define the way I have entered into this year is "hopeful". Things feel different this year. I feel different this year. I want to record this pivotal, transitional time in my life for my girl. I want write with honesty and openness. I want this to be a place where she can come, soak it in and breathe in me.

This will be a sacred place. 

A place to share my brave moments and my scary moments. 

My trials and my lessons. 

A place to share the amazingness that God does and the times I really don't feel Him.

A place to pour out my heart and stretch myself creatively. 

A place to be silly and to be real. A place for me...and the bug. :)

XO, Em

Some highlights of our week:

Sitting in the grass, watching the cars.

On an afternoon walk to the grocery store.

 Snuggles in the park, watching the skateboarders.

A Beautiful Mess

Rushing to get out the door this morning, my eyes do a quick scan of the house. I see the dirty dishes and bottles waiting patiently to be washed. Toys scatter the floor. I know my bed is unmade and bathroom needs cleaning. Anxiety sets in, and my stomach turns. Having a four month old and a husband who works 96 hour weeks ((bless his heart)) is not exactly the perfect recipe for a spotless living situation but I try my best for my own sanity.

I stop. I breathe. I take it in.

My perspective shifts as I remember those dishes once proudly held a meal shared with my husband and the bottles held formula that filled my baby's belly. Toys scatter the floor because I had been on my knees playing with my little girl and soaking in every sweet moment of this precious time we have together. The unmade bed represents holding my husband at night and snuggling with my daughter as we linger in the morning sun.

I see the beauty.

Recently I was hurt by someone close. The pain ran deep and the wounds left behind still sting. It was messy. It was not beautiful. It was hard. It was very ugly.

But our God is so much bigger. Without knowing the situation, friends that I never even knew I had came out of the wood works. Encouraging notes from women I admire came into my hands and filled my heart with truth and love. I was given the opportunity to bless women using a gift I am passionate about and came out blessed on the other end.

It was beautiful.

It is so refreshing to have a God who loves us to the core of our being. He knows us inside and out, better than we know ourselves. He turns our ashes into beauty and provides joy in the mourning. I have to cling to that in order to breathe. Oh, how he loves us.

This life can be overwhelmingly messy, but focusing on the beautiful makes it all worth the while.

XO, Em

Meeting Isla

Okay, I told you guys that I was bad at keeping up with blogging. I think I've proven this to you all considering the fact that my last blog post was about 5 months ago. The truth is that I love blogging, and I've been meaning to get around to it. I've just had so many distractions! Anyway, I will try to be more on top of it from now on. I need to do a little more for myself! :)

So I thought it would be fun to introduce my favorite little girl to you:

Isla is officially ONE MONTH OLD as of this last Saturday!
We are absolutely loving her.

Here are some fun little facts about Isla:

 -She constantly has her hands in her face. Yep. We've got a thumb sucker on our hands, people.
 -The thing that gets her to sleep the fastest is Mama singing to her. These are probably the sweetest moments that we have together. Snuggles and singing.
 -Morning time=Daddy time. And when he wakes her up in the morning he gets a big smile. :)

But really, the last month of my life has brought on a ton of work coupled with a ton of blessings. Being a mama is one of the most rewarding things I have ever done. Being that it has only been a month, I am excited to see what is to come. There will be heartache and tears. I'm sure of it. But there will also be laughter and great joy. I am ready to take it all on.

Meeting Isla has softened my heart in ways that only God can truly understand. I see the world through a new set of lenses and I have learned so much about myself. I feel like im snapping out of a 24-year-old bad mood and am finally experiencing the joy in life. Meeting Isla has showed me that real joy comes from what you put out in this world. Not the circumstances that surround you. Babies have a way of just making sense out of life. I never knew I could love someone so much, so fast. All of this comes with a lot of hard work. And there are hard moments when I want to run like hell. And if you know me you know that I don't run. But I wouldn't trade it all for the world. Not only because I love her immensely, but because I love the person she has brought out in me. Meeting Isla has made the world a little bit brighter. Meeting Isla has made heart a little more full. And meeting Isla has made me a whole lot happier. :)

Looking forward to the journey that is to come.

xo, Em

Back in the Dating Game :)

Josh and I love going out together. We find so much joy in spending time with each other and exploring new places and trying new things. We are in no way shape or form "home-bodies". Needless to say, this has been hard on our checkbook. :) Once we realized this we decided to start a weekly night specifically designated for going out. Our "date night" as it is neatly scribbled onto our calender. :) The plan was that we would stay in (or go hijack my parent's BBQ & pool ;) !!) the other 6 nights of the week, and date nights would be designated for eating out, movies, meeting up with friends in cities we don't frequent...etc.

We are on week two of this new date night thing and I am totally looking forward to week three. I have to say it is SO much better than I even expected it to be! Sure, I have been on many "dates" with my husband, but planning on our dates in advance have made it that much more fun. I feel like I am actually "dating" my husband again. It has made it so much more special. I love getting dressed up knowing that I am going out on a date NOT just going to dinner with my husband.

This has been such a fun thing in our marriage. I totally see the significance in dating your spouse. I feel so loved and filled up at the end of the night. This may have started as a solution to spending so much money but it has ended up being so much more than that. Something that I treasure very much. It is something I hope to continue for the rest of our lives, however it changes our evolves. I hope it is always something that remains. I urge my married friends to date your spouse...it will do wonders for your marriage--I promise! If you need a sitter--call me :)

I just thought I would share this little update in our family :)
We are totally back in the dating game and LOVING IT!

XOXO
Em

 Our First two Date Night Photos...

Decades  more to come :)