A year of struggling to make bills.
A year of laughing, crying, eating...
A year of TV nights on the couch.
A year of learning to live together.
A year of LOVING living together.
A year of figuring out how to balance life.
A year of traveling.
A year of wine.
A year of hiking, eating, movie watching...etc.
A year of being married to my best friend!
I looked forward to our one year mark everyday. Everyone says the first year is the hardest. I thought in the hard times if we could just make it to that one year mark everything would be okay! Once we make it to June 11, 2012 everything will be easier!
Well, June 11, 2012 rolled around and we went to Laguna for a romantic weekend for our anniversary and....FOUGHT! I was so confused! It was our anniversary. We were away from home. It had been a YEAR! And I was grumpy.
It was a frustrating night for my poor husband; trying to please me, love me, make me happy. Not really knowing why I was sad. I was just in one of those moods, and I was confused! It was a hard night and it wasn't until the drive home the next day that I had realized what a brat I had been. (I hate it when that happens! WHY can't we have these self realizations in the moment!) I did a lot of praying and a lot of thinking and I thought to myself for the first time: Why is it that things are supposedly easier after the first year?
Well, after pondering this for a while I decided it's not really the year that makes the difference but you have to come to a point where you stop thinking about yourself. From the very moment the man of your dreams gets down on his knee the world (in any normal girls mind) revolves around YOU. Your wedding. Your fiance. Your tablecloths. Your wedding gown. Your flowers. Your new place. Your plans. You, you, you....and YOU! I don't think there is another time in a girls life where you talk about yourself more. Being engaged is all about YOU. Then the wedding comes around and you talk about your wedding, and post pictures of your wedding. Answer questions about your wedding. Decorate YOUR new place. It just continues. Not to mention living with someone else and you are both trying to mesh YOUR way of doing Ithings. Your way of washing dishes. Your way of making the bed. Your way of cooking eggs. Your way of doing Saturday mornings.
It really is exhausting!
I think, at least for Josh and I, things start to just come to a head. You get tired of you. You can only focus on "yourself" for so long and finally realize it is time to focus on your marriage.
Maybe I'm just a slow learner, and maybe I'm about to embarrass myself all over the Internet...(oh well, it wouldn't be the first time!) But it has taken me a year to realize that it is time to stop waiting for things to get better. It's time to stop focusing on Emily and start focusing on my marriage. I can't win. Josh can't win. Our marriage has to win. I have to start acting. Change cannot come without action. I thought that maybe it just took a year to get used to each other. But the thing is I think it takes a year for most people to realize its not all about you!
I have an amazing marriage and the most fabulous husband. I could go on and on for days about him. I am so blessed. Don't read this blog and think we are unhappy, because that is not the case. It's just been a learning process!
Things I love about my marriage:
The laughter. (This has gotten us through many tough times)
Our Mondays. (Which normally consist of small group and The Bachelorette :)
Cooking together.
Cuddling.
My husbands heart. (I have never met a man more willing to serve his wife)
Wearing Josh's clothes to bed. (My favorite thing to do when he is gone on his 24's)
I could go on and on....
Moral of the story, being selfish sucks. And its exhausting! I'm done!
Thanks for letting me rant :)
Em
Josh and I on our one year anniversary :)
