Give me Faith

Lately the word faith has been stirring in my mind.

There was a time in our life, soon after we got married that we just really didn't see a need for God. We stopped spending time with him. We slowly started to pull out of the ministries we were serving in. The weeks that we would actually show up at church were few and far between. Sunday mornings were our mornings to sleep in and lounge around the house. It's not that we were rejecting our faith. We just became lazy and the absence of Jesus in our lives was slowly pulling us further and further away from each other.

Very soon after we found out I was pregnant something stirred up inside of both of us. We started to notice the gaping hole in our life and our marriage. We wanted a change but didn't know where to start. Josh suggested that we make a New Years Resolution to pray together every day. Let me tell you--this is the best decision that we have made thus far in our marriage. If you are not praying with your spouse regularly, do it. Seriously...it works wonders. I have never felt closer to my husband.

It is crazy how when you start to really pursue the Lord he speaks to you so clearly. In mid-February, on a trip home from Big Bear, Josh told me that he felt that God was telling him that we needed to get back involved being High School Leaders.  He didn't want to tell me because he didn't think I would want to get involved. I told him that I had actually been hearing the same thing from God but I didn't want to tell him because I didn't want to get involved. :) God had bigger plans. Everything ended up falling into place and we both feel that we are serving exactly where God wants us. Around this time our church was going through a series called "Fully Devoted" talking about being a fully devoted follower of Christ and everything that comes along with that. Amazing series, by the way. We both felt it on our hearts to start tithing. Soon after that, it was reading our bibles and journaling. Then--witnessing. It felt like every Sunday our pastor was talking directly to us. God was saying "Okay--you want to really experience me?? This is what you need to do next." We were so excited venture into every next step of this adventure of experiencing God.

After we started to really obey God it felt like life kept throwing rocks at us. And I don't mean little stones. I am talking big-fat-freakin-rocks. We really couldn't catch a break. We both became so discouraged. We felt frustrated and angry. Why was this happening? We were doing everything we were supposed to be doing! Why wasn't God rewarding us for that??

Then it hit us like a ton of bricks.
He doesn't owe us anything. But we owe him everything.

Every person that we would talk to about our struggles would tell us "Have faith. God will take care of you." Every verse I would read would talk about having faith even in your pain. Every worship song that would speak of faith would bring me to tears. But it was so hard to trust. It was so hard to not take back control over our lives. I wanted to walk on water. I didn't want to look down. We both wanted to keep our eyes on Jesus and trust completely. But it was scary. 

This brings us to the now.

This week, we got hit with a really big rock. We both wanted to just give up. Almost immediately after we were knocked off of our feet I heard a song that I am sure that I have heard before but it took on such a bigger meaning.

The very first few lines shook me in a major way:

I need You to soften my heart, To break me apart.  
I need You to open my eyes, To see that You're shaping my life.

 You can listen to it here :)

This became our prayer.

"Give me faith to trust what you say...I'm broken inside, I give you my life"
"My flesh may fail, but my God you never will"

I can't tell you the times I have repeated this in my head over and over.
I can't tell you how many times I have had to give it to God.
This song has played on repeat in our house all week.

We are so thirsty for that faith. To walk on water.
We long for trust without boarders, as Hillsong United so gracefully puts it in their song, Oceans.
(another good song that can be frequently found on loop in our home :)

I wish I could say that our new journey of not only pursuing God, but also pursuing real faith and trust has led us to an easy, painless, and care-free life. No. It's freaking scary. But it's so worth it. We wont stop living for Christ just because things get hard. We will keep going and we will continue to lean on each other daily.

As hard as these last few months have been, it has been amazing to be able to experience God in a very real way. It has been rewarding to re-discover the simple things about Jesus. It has been inspiring experiencing a true, Christ-centered marriage. And it has been humbling to be knocked off of our feet and to realize He doesn't owe us anything. But we owe him everything. There will always be rough patches in life. I think what God has really been showing me is that we need to fight for him in every season. Not just when things are easy. I want to live a life passionately pursing Christ, no matter what!

1 Timothy 6:12
Fight the good fight for the true faith. Hold tightly to the eternal life to which God has called you, which you have confessed so well before many witnesses.

Thank you for letting me share whats been on my heart.
I really hope that this is some-what encouraging, and we would really appreciate your prayers!
Let's bare each other's burdens. Let me know how I can pray for you :)

xoxo
Em :)